When you tell your husband about his uterus…

About 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with BB, we went to a Hypnobirthing class. You know, one of those “breathe, relax…you’re floating on a calm, soothing, cloud” sort of things. We had a CD that came with it that had relaxing music and some “meditations” to listen to. Most of the meditations were the standard “floating on a cloud” stuff, but some of them were pregnancy/birth related…like – your baby is just the right size for your body, your baby will come when the time is right for your baby and your body…and my favorite: Envision your cervix opening like a flower… there were some uterus related ones too…

Ok, so last night, J is in the ER…for various reasons (all will be fine, thanks for caring), and he has to get an arterial blood gas taken. This is a new one for us, and he had already been poked about 10 times trying to get the IV in and various other taking bloods… So the respiratory specialist comes in to take blood out of his artery for the arterial blood gas test. (Which, by the way, she totally lied to us about – she said it was just like taking blood from a vain, which apparently, taking blood from an artery is harder and more painful…) So she’s getting ready to take it, and she tells him to relax because it will be easier. Unlike taking blood from a vain, it took her about 10 minutes to prep him for taking the blood. So he’s sitting there…trying so hard to relax…thinking he’s going to get poked at any second…and we just keep waiting. So I think…I’ll try to help keep him relaxed, so I start telling him to breathe in, breathe out…relax your toes, relax your feet…relax your whole body…just relax…and my brain says to me, “Envision your uterus…opening like a flower” (*note: I realize that it’s really your cervix that opens, but for whatever reason, it was uterus in my head last night). I decided to leave that one out for the time being because I didn’t think it would help much in relaxing him.

Just as the respiratory therapist was about to poke him, her phone rang! Argh…and yes, then we had to start over with the relaxing and her tapping his artery, etc…

After the evil poking lady left (stealthily, by the way…we didn’t even see her go…), I told J to relax…and that his uterus was opening like a flower…he laughed out loud…and then coughed, because he was having trouble breathing anyway…

For the rest of the evening in the ER…every time I wanted to lighten his spirits, I told him his uterus was opening like a flower… it’s one of those things that is probably much funnier if you were there (sometimes stress of the ER added to not eating all day makes things a bit funnier…), but I thought I’d share anyway.

So…next time you need your husband to relax, tell him his uterus is opening like a flower…and let me know how that works out for you…

Look Mama!

A little background – BB loves Blue’s Clues. He recently got some handy dandy notebooks of his very own. In case you’re Blue’s Clues illiterate, the basic plot is that Blue (a dog), leaves paw prints on 3 things to mark them as clues for whatever the topic of the day is (more or less), and his human draws the clues in his “handy dandy notebook.” After they have 3 clues, they sit in the thinking chair and figure it out. So…BB decides to take his handy dandy notebook with us on a trip running errands – you know, to look for clues. Yeah, good luck with that, kid.

We pull into the parking lot at Big Lots, and BB gets VERY exited.
“Look Mama!! A CLUE!! Need mine NOTEBOOK!”

I’m thinking…Oh, how cute…he’s pretending he found a clue. So I say…
“BB, did you find a pretend clue?”
“No, Mama, a CLUE a CLUE” and he points in front of the car.

Lo and behold…a clue…

In case you can’t tell from the picture, this is an animal clinic with paw prints on the front. BB decided that the clue was “a wall,” so we drew a wall in his handy dandy notebook. He was so proud about finding the clue.

Later, we went to Target, and Dada took him to the pet stuff aisles so he could find 2 more clues. He found a jar and a pillow with paw prints on them, and we drew them in his notebook. Of course, I have no idea what sort of end game you get when the 3 clues are a wall, a jar, and a pillow, but he didn’t really care so much about that (though we did go home and sit in the thinking chair and think..think…think…)

A Good Use for a Bad Thing

I went to the dentist yesterday and got some cavities filled...I have to say I don't remember the last time I had a cavity filled, but I do remember it was in a baby tooth if that's any indication.

Actually, I also have to say I don't remember THIS time I got cavities filled either. Yep, date rape drug meets dentistry...it's a good combo. Ok, so I don't actually know that it is specifically the same drug, but it does, from my understanding, basically the same thing. You go into the dentist perfectly alert, and then they drug you...you can talk, get up (with a little help, a few hours later) and walk out of the office to your car, have a conversation with your husband on the way home - even find, open, and put in new contact lenses with absolutely no recollection of doing any of the above (and you can apparently also get some dental work done in between.)

This is SO the right way to get dental work done in my opinion.

It's funny because I'm kind of a control freak, so you'd think I wouldn't like having no idea what happened, but I am so anti-dental work that loosing the control part of the experience doesn't bother me in the slightest.